[Dealing with conflicts] How to put your judgment to the test

 In the midst of conflicts, many people get caught in their own thoughts and beliefs, believing them to be TRUE.

Here’s a simple 4-steps method I find useful to put our beliefs to the test:

THINK IN DEPTH OF A STRESSFUL SITUATION

Think of a stressful situation involving diverging interests or disagreement.  Immerse yourself for a moment in that situation. Don’t try being reflected, distant, positive or even rational.

• In this situation, who makes you angry, confused or disappointed. Why? (XYZ doesn’t listen to me)
• How do you want the other to behave or change?
• Which advice would you give? What should or shouldn’t that person do?
• What do you need – more precisely, what should the other do to make you happy?
• How would you describe that person?
• What in this situation is it that you never ever want to experience again?

So now you have thoroughly judged this person. Don’t forget to note down your thoughts as answers to these questions! 

IS YOUR THINKING = THE TRUTH?

Is your judgment true? Are your thoughts true?

• Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is true?
• How do you react when you believe these thoughts?
• Who would you be without these thoughts?

QUESTION YOUR THOUGHTS!

Now turn your thoughts around and write them down (It’s very important you note them down so you can observe them from the outside!):

• Towards yourself (I never listen to my self)
• Towards the other (I never listen to XYZ)
• To the opposite (XYZ listens to me)

WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

Is there any truth in these new thoughts?

• You uncovered new truths without hesitation. Lucky you!
• You sense a lot of inner resistance or become confused? Congratulations, this is a sure sign you are up for some revelation and new insight!
• You reject any new thought from coming up? I suggest you work a little more on this, trust the process and give yourself time

A LITTLE CONCLUSION FOR NOW:

Letting go of judgment is not easy!  Testing our beliefs can be very confusing. This seemingly simple method has the power to make judgment and false beliefs crumble!

I hope you’ll find good use of this method of questioning your thoughts. When I started using it I was completely confused. Now it’s just one of many habits in my toolkit.

In fact, I'd be happy if you'd like to share what happens when you try to turn your thoughts around!

Friendly, Lise Bjarkli

PS:  If you haven't downloaded it already, here's a link to read my magazine on Conflict Management . Want to join my Conscious Life - Conscious Leadership Forum? just click here.